Announcer (00:09):
This recording is an offering of Networks for Training and Development's Online University.

Rosa McAllister (00:19):
Hi, everyone. It's Rosa McAllister with Networks for Training and Development, and this is our Healing Circle Call, our monthly call that we've been doing for, oh my goodness, I'm not sure how many years. I oftentimes say, "Oh, I think about 10 years," but it could be 15, actually it's way more than 10, what am I saying? Could be 15, could be almost 20 years by now. Anyway, we do this Healing Circle Call on the first Monday of the month at 8:00 PM Eastern Time. We've been doing this, as I say, for a long time. Initially we did it, several friends and I started it many, many years ago, probably 25 years ago or more, and we just did it, it was initially through e-mail, just to remind one another that we were out there.

Rosa McAllister (01:01):
And once in a while, we'd let one another know something was going on that we needed extra prayers or thoughts or help in some way, even if it was just heard quietly, we just put it out to one another. And the group grew by e-mail and then we started doing phone calls once a month. And then, I don't know how many years ago, some number of years ago, I went to Shauna Roman, our executive director at Networks, and said, "Gee, you know I've been doing this thing do you think people would be interested in this?" I checked with a few other people and we decided to start doing this under the rubric of Networks for Training and Development, my beloved home away from home.

Rosa McAllister (01:41):
So we still do this on the first Monday of the month, and again, it's kind of an anonymous time where anybody can call in. We also record them and they're all available, going back, I think, four or five years, and the idea is just a time for us, kind of like the old days, when some friends and I would do this via e-mail, where we would just kind of get together to remember that we weren't alone, that we had one another's back, that even though we were miles and miles and miles and hours and time zones separated, we still had one another that were in our circles and we loved one another and took care of one another, in various ways.

Rosa McAllister (02:20):
And we shared things. We shared concerns, we shared ideas, we shared a lot of things, and it was a time to just breathe together, to take time to remember that we're not alone. So that's what the Healing Circle is all about and I'm joined by you today, whether you're here with me literally at this time, or whether this is some later date and you're listening in. So today, I get to be your leader. We have different people leading these discussions each month and I get to be your leader or your discussion person, or whatever, today. And in thinking about this today, I had a couple of different ideas that I thought, "Ooh, I'll lead a meditation," or, "Ooh, I'll do this, I'll do some exercises," or, "I'll do this," but something kept coming up to me, something that's been happening a lot, a conversation I've been having a lot the last, I would say, the last couple of weeks in particular, last month or more.

Rosa McAllister (03:18):
And I think it has to do with the time of the year and probably the time of life and time of the world and everything else. So it's February, the beginning of February, we just had Groundhogs' Day, it's almost my birthday and we're a little past January 1st and good old New Year's and resolution time. You know, the beginning of the year so oftentimes we make these sometimes grandiose, sometimes not so grandiose plans about what we think we want the New Year to be about, what we think we could be doing or should be doing a little bit differently. And sometimes we live up to those resolutions and sometimes we don't do so much, and there's a lot of jokes about that, and gym memberships and other things that are purchased or said out loud, "I'm going to do this this year," sometimes written down, etc, etc. And then sometimes by February 6th, we've already busted them, it's not happening.

Rosa McAllister (04:19):
So maybe it's because we're a little past New Year's and this resolution time and we're kind of still in our thinking of new beginnings that the New Year oftentimes brings for many of us. But a recent conversation that I've been having with a number of different people about life, about work, about the world, about interesting and various things, is kind of around the topic of when to cut bait. When do we cut bait? It's a saying, it's a fishing saying, if you're not familiar with that, having to do with the idea, I believe, when do you say, "Enough is enough and I can't reel this big fish in," or, "I think it snagged on something else," or, "It's going to break my pole," or, "Nothing's happening." and we quote 'cut the bait' and give up and move on. So when do we do that? And maybe when should we do that is the other side of it? Or maybe when have we done this and it was a good decision, and sometimes when we've done this and it's not a good decision?

Rosa McAllister (05:33):
Sometimes only haven't cut bait and we hang on a little too long, sometimes maybe when we've cut bait maybe a little too soon. and this can be about a relationship certainly, it can be about work, it can be about a car that nickel-and-diming us, every little thing seems to be going wrong with it. When do we cut bait? When do we say, "This car is no more," or "This car's been sitting here for so long, I don't even drive it anymore. It doesn't work for me," or, "I've been trying to squeeze all my stuff into this car and it's just too small," or, "I don't need this car it's so big and it's a gas hog"? All variations of "when do we cut bait? When do we cut bait and maybe make a change in our course of direction of life?" Maybe it's about where we live, a job, how we're living, a diet, the way in which we eat, the way in which we exercise, the way the churches that we go to, the friends that we have. When do we decide to give something up or someone up? When is it that we say, "Enough is enough already"? When do we move on? When do we follow our gut?

Rosa McAllister (06:57):
Because I don't know about you, but there's been a whole lot of time in these many, many decades of life of mine where I pretty much knew I needed to change something. I needed to cut bait but I didn't because I was hoping things would change or hoping I'd see an alternative or hoping I'd change my mind, when my gut really knew that it was time, in fact, it was past time to cut bait. So when we have these internal conversations with ourselves, and sometimes, I'm using myself as an example, I've had these conversations with myself fleetingly and then I put it aside because I don't want to think about it. So maybe it's about the car or a relationship or a job or where I'm living, or how I'm living, or whatever it might be, and I pretty much know I need to cut bait, it's time to make a change, but I don't want to think about it because it's too big. Or if I do that, then it might lead to something else, eh. And so sometimes I'm really good at putting things out of my mind or trying to at least.

Rosa McAllister (08:14):
But I don't know about you, when I do that I usually remember the things at like two or three o'clock in the morning, and it's kind of almost like a time of reckoning, a time of when reality hits, in the middle of the night, when at least for me, when I come awake out of a deep sleep and I kind of like, "Rosa, your gut's been talking to you, you know, you know it's time, you know the decision has already been made, why are you stalling on it?" A- and again, I try to put it off, I try to go back to sleep, but it's that gnawing, it's that knowing, it's that gnawing, knowing that it's time to do something. Now, there's been other times in my life where I'm very spontaneous, where I can make a decision on the dime, boom, just like that. But not always. I oftentimes have said my best decisions in life often are those decisions that I don't even really make, they're decisions that kind of are made for me, you know, because time has elapsed or somebody else has made, stepped in and made the decision, or things just have evolved.

Rosa McAllister (09:26):
But then there are those other decisions that I have kind of waffled on or delayed or tried to put out of my mind, except at two or three in the morning, hmm. So what do we do about this, and how do we do this? So that's part of the conversations that I've been having with a number of different people, including a very dear friend of mine, who I think had been getting all the signals and all the signs for quite some time that it was time to cut bait in a couple of different ways, and was doing a fairly good job of trying to make the best of a bad situation, and I think was doing a fairly good job of trying to ignore the obvious. But guess what? It started affecting this person in their sleep, in their mood, in their eating habit, and yes, in their health, to the point where it was the knocking and the knowing and gnawing certainly became clobbering, like obviously, between the eyes, headaches, all kinds of different things, where i- i- it was more than obvious.

Rosa McAllister (10:48):
And as a really good friend, I didn't want to be the one to say, because I hate when people do this to me, "You know it's time for, you know it's pretty obvious," I was trying not to do that and trying to be a good friend and listening. But at one point, we had this conversation, when do you cut bait? And we didn't talk about their particular situation per se, we just had this conversation like we're having now, when do you cut bait? And the answer might be different for you than it is for me, because I can be pretty spontaneous and I can be pretty headstrong. And some of us are not made of that same fiber, like this good friend of mine is not. This person is more of one to take things longer and to give people maybe more of a chance, and to believe the good is still coming and possible, even to the point of, "I have to try harder," which is okay and lovely, but is not particularly healthy, and was becoming less healthy in this situation.

Rosa McAllister (11:59):
So with this one person, just this general conversation about when do we cut bait caused this person to make a pretty bold decision, a pretty big bold series of decisions. And guess what? Even though the sleep was still disturbed and even though there was obviously some unsureness and worried there was immediate relief because this person knew and had known for a long time and was taking action. Now, interestingly enough, another person in this last month, we had the same conversations about when do you cut bait. And through this person, they got really defensive, they got really, like, "I don't know why you're talking about this, I don't have this problem." "Oh, but I'm talking about myself, I'm not talking about you," I said to them. And they said, "Well, it sure sounds like you're talking about me. I have no problem with cutting bait, I have nothing."

Rosa McAllister (13:11):
In my mind I was thinking, "Ooh, sounds pretty defensive, and I can think of a few things that you've been waffling on, in my opinion." But I wasn't gonna point it out to them, again, because when do you cut bait is kind of a personal decision, right? It's not how I do it or when I do it, it's about you. I was just having a conversation and I just brought it up by mentioning, kind of like I mentioned tonight here, "There's an interesting conversation I've been having a lot of and maybe it's connected to the New Year, being in January, February, resolutions, all that stuff, maybe it's our time of life, maybe it's the world events, maybe it's..." They got really defensive, to the point that I changed the subject, that I talked about something much lighter and easier. And they emailed me the next day and said, "I still don't know why you brought that up but I've been thinking about it since."

Rosa McAllister (14:11):
And it started an more open conversation with us both going back and forth about maybe some things we need to cut bait on, or start considering cutting bait, or deciding not to cut bait, deciding to hang in there, deciding to give it another shot. Then yesterday, out of the blue, having a conversation with a neighbor and guess what comes up? In one way or another, talking with her, it was when do you cut bait? So how could I not bring it up here today with you? (laughs) I think it's so fascinating in life when things like this happen. And here's a triplet, a triad of things, of discussions, three different, completely different people, and yet the same conversation.

Rosa McAllister (15:00):
So when do you cut bait? Are you more of the, "I'm pretty spontaneous, I make decisions pretty fast, blah, blah, blah," or are you more of a, "Oh, I put it off as long as I possibly can" and they're maybe two extremes, which are you? And is there anything that's coming to mind with you right now about your fishing line and your life and your decisions, and maybe some bait you have dangling, in that intermediate, unsure sea of life? I'm not here to give you advice, heaven knows, I'm a work in progress. Any of you who know me surely know that. I'm not here to make any suggestions, I'm just here offering that I think it's kind of curious that at least for me this topic has come up so many times in just a couple of weeks. I think it's a sign for me to look at some of my fishing lines that are out there and some of the bait that I have dangling, and make some decisions.

Rosa McAllister (16:15):
Is it time for me to cut bait and do I have to cut it entirely? Can I just cut some of the bait? Can I change where and how I fish? Can I keep going or change my strategies and how I fish or the bait use? To continue that analogy, I hope you're following along. How do I do this and what does this mean for me, and what does it mean for you? I don't know about you, but it's got me thinking more and more, and in my inimitable fashion, I've been writing things down on some post-its, and thoughts as they pop in. Maybe you're more of a someone who draws or talks it out, I'm one who writes things down as they pop in my head. And I just had a couple of more things that have popped in my head that I think I need to add to my list of my questions to myself. Should I cut bait? Should I try a little differently? Should I try some different bait? Should I make some changes?

Rosa McAllister (17:20):
So wherever you are in this and in life, I hope that your fishing experiences and your bait is wonderful. And I hope that these thoughts and conversations lead to interesting things, not necessarily concerning things, but interesting things. And I suggest that maybe you share it with somebody else because maybe we all need to be having these conversations with one another a little bit more. So I'm gonna take a big deep breath, I'm gonna hold it for a minute, or two, or maybe a little less, and then I'm going to slowly let it out, and hope if I let the air out I'm also letting out some of my steam and anxiety and confusions. Because at least for me, I know that when I consciously do my breathing, slow breath in, hold it a little bit longer and even slower breath out, sometimes that quiets me enough to hear what I already know.

Rosa McAllister (18:41):
So I'm wishing you a beautiful February, or whatever month it is when you're listening in, I'm wishing you a beautiful rest of the day, and I'm wishing you some extraordinarily wonderful fishing experiences in life. Thanks so much. Don't forget to join us again first Monday of the month, 8:00 PM Eastern Time. Phone number is always the same. Anonymously, we're h- we're here together, we're here together not just on the first Monday, we're here together all the time, breathing together, holding each other close, and we have lots and lots of these Healing Circle Calls all recorded for your listening pleasure. If you go to networksfortraining.org and go to our Online University, you'll find these. Thanks so much, aloha.

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