Gerry Arango Deeley (00:14):
Hello, and welcome to Our Parallel Paths, a Future for My Loved One with a Disability and for Me. I'm your host, Gerry, Dr. Geralyn Arango Deeley, and this podcast is about just what the title says, the parallel paths of family members, certainly parents, sometimes siblings as parents age or pass on, and their loved ones with intellectual disabilities. I'm a parent myself and I always have questions. Our Parallel Paths is a podcast about creating a promising future for our adult family members with an intellectual disability and a promising future for ourselves as that role of family member evolves alongside them. There's more than one path, there's more than one future to talk about, and that's why we're here. Some remarkable people share their stories on Our Parallel Paths, and I really hope that the stories and the wisdom resonate with you and give you ideas and hope for your path.

(01:20):
I am delighted to introduce today's guest, Teri Brewer. Um, Teri and I have same supports broker, Bradley Beck, who you may remember from our episode on managing support staff back in season two. Bradley shared with me, when I asked him, that Teri's is a story that we'd need to hear as someone who's supporting her son William to live his vision of an everyday, meaningful life. I often see William's work. He paints, I see them on Facebook in his William's World page. And I've been to presentations by Teri on topics like the Life Course tools, which I think might be a really neat topic for another podcast episode.

(02:02):
And I know that William and Teri are both active in an organization called SAU1, Self Advocates United as One, and I think I want to learn more about that 'cause I might share more about that with Nick. So welcome, Teri.

Teri Brewer (02:22):
Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Gerry (02:22):
Thank you. First of all, what did I leave out? How would you describe yourself to those of us who don't know you real well, beyond my description?

Teri (02:32):
I'm just a parent trying to do my best to make sure that when I leave this earth, my son has the best life possible, and that I've done what I can do to set that up.

Gerry (02:50):
Okay, okay.

Teri (02:51):
That's just my hope.

Gerry (02:54):
I hear you. And, and ditto. Are you currently working outside the home?

Teri (03:01):
Uh, I work for, uh, SAU1, Self Advocates United as One, I am one of the Southeast coordinators. So, that is from home. We do do trainings outside, but most of my work is, is at home, which is very beneficial.

Gerry (03:19):
Okay.

Teri (03:20):
And William is a power coach for Self Advocates United as One. So he does trainings and he actually does more traveling than I do, so.

Gerry (03:31):
Ah, okay. Okay, well, that's cool, what a nice, nice opportunity for William to get out there and, and spread the word as a person who is living the story, you know?

Teri (03:39):
Absolutely.

Gerry (03:40):
Yeah. So I always offer my guests, listeners, a choice of questions or things to reflect on before we talk. And Teri chose the topic "A day in the life." And so I know I'd like to learn more about William's story, because you know, a day in his life, and I'm also kind of curious about the path that William and Teri navigate together even when they're not physically together. Because you know, when I think that day in the life topic is like a day in the life of William, a day in the life of Teri, and a day in the life of William and Teri. And so how do you, how did you guys get to where you are now and how do you, Teri, stay strong as you're supporting your son and yourself on the parallel paths?

Teri (04:31):
Well, I think it, for one thing, I have a very good support system with my husband. So we, you know, just practice and do everything together. During the early stages, you know, when you bring a little baby home, he's so cute, and looked perfect to me. But um, we noticed that he was not doing, like making the milestones that children are supposed to make. So we took him to a, his pediatrician and were referred to supposedly a well-known pediatric neurologist at the time. And um, after some tests, uh, they told us, and mind you, William was, I'm going to say, eight months at the time, eight, nine months. And um, we were told that William would never walk or talk, what we saw is what we got, and to put him in an institution because he was going to interfere with our then three-year-old daughter.

Gerry (05:36):
Oh, may I ask, how old is William?

Teri (05:39):
He was about nine, I'm going to say nine months old. He was nine months old when we were-

Gerry (05:45):
And how old ... And how old is he now?

Teri (05:45):
(laughs) William is 39.

Gerry (05:53):
See, wow. I mean, whenever I have taught, um, done trainings, we talk about that history and that answer that people would get.

Teri (06:00):
Mm-hmm.

Gerry (06:01):
And kind of wanted to believe that that was something from a long time ago, something so long ago that they would not say, "Hey, it's ..."

Teri (06:11):
No.

Gerry (06:12):
and institutionalize - "Just tell them, tell your family," you know ... And he's 39.

Teri (06:16):
No.

Gerry (06:16):
And so that's, that's, remains the worst and it's too, way too...

Teri (06:25):
So that was ...

Gerry (06:26):
way too recent.

Teri (06:27):
That was, yeah, that was very devastating, I call that the Summer of Tears, because it was about July. And um, while we didn't know what we were gonna do, we knew we weren't gonna do that.

Gerry (06:41):
Yeah.

Teri (06:41):
So, we just took it one day at a time and just tried to model, uh, his behav- You know, model for him what he should be doing, that's what we were told we should do, you know. We were crawling around on the floor and, you know, showing him how to crawl, and our daughter, Kristin, at the time was a tremendous help. She didn't realize how much she was helping, but she was tremendous help. And um, we finally were able to get him into, uh, an approved daycare. Because I put him in a regular daycare.

Gerry (07:24):
Mm-hmm.

Teri (07:25):
Because I figured, I don't know what I thought ...

Gerry (07:30):
Mm-hmm.

Teri (07:30):
... But it was a mistake.

Gerry (07:31):
Okay.

Teri (07:32):
So we got him, um, into KenCrest, and from there United Cerebral Palsy, and he's just, you know, taking steps, uh, on his own. He never crawled, he rolled from place to place, and then one day he just got up and walked. So the one thing that we have noticed is that William, we feel like he analyzes what needs to be done, and whether he's practicing or doing something on his own, I have no idea.

Gerry (08:16):
Hm.

Teri (08:17):
But I do know that, um, he ends up doing things. So from there he went to, um, an approved private school, uh, and his en- his entire life I really, at the time I didn't know about, um, you know, integrated classrooms or anything. I, I knew nothing, absolutely nothing. So what I was, I did basically everything I was, we were told would work best except for institutionalizing him.

Gerry (08:53):
Mm-hmm.

Teri (08:53):
And he actually, he thrived, um, he went there his entire, um, until he was 21.

Gerry (09:04):
Okay.

Teri (09:05):
And his first, I would say act of advocacy was, with an approved private school you can stay in the same classroom for a few years until the teacher decides that you need to move on to the next. He went back one September and moved himself to another classroom.

Gerry (09:27):
Wait, what?

Teri (09:29):
He refused, he moved himself to, he evidently knew which was the next classroom up, and that's where he went.

Gerry (09:35):
Okay.

Teri (09:39):
And I got a call and they-

Gerry (09:39):
Self-advocate.

Teri (09:41):
I got a call and they said, um, "William moved himself." Like, "What do you mean, he moved himself?" 'Cause at that time I was very comfortable with the teacher, I knew everything. So I was like, "Okay, well, let's see." So he thrived, he graduated from there, and uh, we didn't want him to go there five days a week so we found another program, which was more so out in the community. So he went to this one program two days a week and he went to his main program three days a week. And we thought that that was working fine. And then we were told about an art program. So we decided, William decided that he wanted to do that. So it's always been an, a very, it's been evolving. I can't say that we, you know, I always tell people we kind of fell into a lot of stuff. William wanted to do it, so we just gave it, gave it a try. And that art program closed, so this was

(11:00):
... when we started with self-direction and had a young lady, a wonderful young lady who was a art student. Uh, she was getting ready to graduate. She had absolutely no idea. She never worked with anyone with a disability, which I thought was a plus because she didn't have preconceived notions. And-

Gerry (11:25):
Yeah. It really can be a part of-

Teri (11:25):
Yes, and she said, "I just wanna see if he can paint." I said, "All right." And she brought all she ... She brought all of her supplies. And she came down downstairs with a painting (laughs) of a pincushion and a thimble, which was very recognizable. I said, "Yeah, you did that." And she said, "No, that was William."

Gerry (11:50):
Hm.

Teri (11:51):
And that's how we knew that he could do this.

Gerry (11:56):
Okay.

Teri (11:59):
And we s-, we started from there, and it just evolved to the point of now he goes to no day program whatsoever and he self-directs five days a week. And he chooses what he wants to do, when he wants to do it, where he wants to go. Um, he's participated in different art shows. Um, he's been published in a book. Um, he received a, a grant. This was through another of his support workers, and I have been so very blessed and fortunate that the staff that has come into his life have all been free thinkers and willing to just try different, different things. And I know that I'm very fortunate in that.

(12:51):
And, um, that's, that's William. That's William to the point that, um, last ... Well, this August was the first time that my husband and I ever went away alone without any children.

Gerry (13:17):
Oh, that's huge.

Teri (13:18):
And we have been ... We've, we've been married for 44 years.

Gerry (13:23):
That's huge.

Teri (13:24):
And we, we never, we never did it. And we-

Gerry (13:26):
No.

Teri (13:27):
... were able to take a cruise because of the support staff, because of, um ... You know, everyone is stepping up and (laughs) just wanting us to, to be able to have that opportunity and feeling that William was ready and able to do it, to the point that he flew down to Texas to see one of his other, a young lady that used to work with him, Erin.

Gerry (13:59):
I know them.

Teri (13:59):
Uh, sh- she, she moved to Texas. And, uh, he flew down there for a few days-

Gerry (14:05):
Okay.

Teri (14:05):
... by himself.

Gerry (14:05):
By himself, okay.

Teri (14:05):
By himself!

Gerry (14:06):
Wow.

Teri (14:07):
So, it's been an evolution. It, it really has. The more he's shown us, the more confident, you know, we are with his ability and what he is able to do. And, um, the next big thing is him having his own place.

Gerry (14:27):
Okay.

Teri (14:27):
So, it's been a real journey.

Gerry (14:30):
It, it sounds like it. It sounds like, you know, you've kind- Uh, sometimes when you speak to people, you know, they've kind of gotten schooled in all of this stuff before it was happening or right away. But it sounds like, you know, you guys, kind of, really were following William and learning-

Teri (14:49):
We were.

Gerry (14:50):
... with and for him right a-, all along the way. You were kind of, I don't know, um ... Yeah, his, his, his story was ... Your story's so informed by his, um, trajectory, and you're learning alongside him. Um, and you felt ... It sounds like you felt like you had a lot of trust in the systems and the people who were working with him all along the way. Is that so?

Teri (15:21):
We were very fortunate-

Gerry (15:22):
Okay.

Teri (15:23):
... in ... Everybody didn't work out. (laughs) I'm not gonna-

Gerry (15:28):
No.

Teri (15:28):
I'm not [inaudible 00:15:29]

Gerry (15:28):
[inaudible 00:15:29] that's okay.

Teri (15:30):
... gonna say that. But, when we felt like there were glitches along the way or something just wasn't working out, we took William's lead because while he's not going to necessarily sit down and say, "Hey, mom, you know, such and such isn't working out, and I feel like we need to change," his, he would let us know that he's not comfortable with certain things.

(16:04):
Um, there was one program that he was going to, and I just know he loved it. I couldn't stand it but-

Gerry (16:13):
(laughs)

Teri (16:14):
... he wanted to go.

Gerry (16:14):
Okay.

Teri (16:15):
So we went. You know, he went and I just kept my mouth shut. But when ... After the pandemic and everything started opening back up and he was able to go back, he, uh, put on a piece of paper the days, Monday through S-, through Friday what he wanted to do. And he could put down where he wanted to go and that was not an option.

Gerry (16:42):
Okay.

Teri (16:42):
He didn't write it down.

Gerry (16:43):
Okay.

Teri (16:43):
So everything has really been informed by him. And, uh, i- i- it was never really ... I can't say that we sat down and it was like a well thought out plan-

Gerry (16:59):
Hm.

Teri (16:59):
... or anything. It was just, I don't know, well he doesn't wanna do it, so ok- okay. Um, we just basically followed what he wanted because w- we're not gonna be around forever. And in most cases, he's going to ... You know the child outlives the parent.

Gerry (17:23):
Yeah.

Teri (17:23):
And we always, we always had that in our mind that he's gonna be here without us.

Gerry (17:32):
Yeah.

Teri (17:32):
And if I could, I could orchestrate things from the grave, but I don't think-

(17:39):
... that's possible.

Gerry (17:39):
Hand coming up from the grave. (laughs)

Teri (17:42):
(laughs)

Gerry (17:43):
... Yeah I, I feel that. I as ... You know, especially as a person who ... Like Nic had lost his father nine years ago. Um, but that's what I think has been a theme of, of this podcast is people sort of saying, "You know what? This is ... I'm not gonna be here forever, and here's what-

Teri (17:58):
Mm-hmm.

Gerry (17:59):
... I think about." So you're another, another person heard from on that. And so, um, I wonder, uh, are there things that you kinda wish you had known before you started on this journey with William? Are there things that I think would've made it more doable? I mean, it sounds like ... I'm, I'm feeling like it was pretty, a pretty good journey so far. But are there things you wish you did know that w- you think might've helped?

Teri (18:29):
I ... In, in the very beginning when we c-, uh, w- w- After the disaster with the neurologist and we went back to the pediatrician, um, we were told he needs early intervention.

Gerry (18:51):
Mm-hmm.

Teri (18:54):
I didn't know what early intervention was.

Gerry (18:55):
Okay.

Teri (18:57):
I had no clue. I, I knew absolutely nothing and-

Gerry (19:04):
They just dropped the information on you and-

Teri (19:04):
... I hope-

Gerry (19:06):
... that was it? (laughs)

Teri (19:08):
I hope that is better now for, for parents, but we were told that and sent along our merry way.

Gerry (19:19):
So they just dropped the early childhood intervention

Teri (19:20):
No guidance.

Gerry (19:22):
... and no connecting to anybody?

Teri (19:24):
No, n-, we were not connected to anyone.

(19:27):
No one. No. (laughs) So what I started doing was, and I will date myself, the blue pages of the phone book.

Gerry (19:38):
Yeah, because you can't Google that.

Teri (19:38):
And I just-

Gerry (19:38):
Yeah. that many years go. (laughs)

Teri (19:43):
Yeah, we, we can Google now-

Gerry (19:45):
Yeah.

Teri (19:45):
... but I had the blue pages of the, of the phone-

Gerry (19:48):
Yeah.

Teri (19:48):
... book, and I just started calling. And I would, you know, just call back and forth. And some pe- They ... I had no idea. And what I ... The one call that I did make was the governor's line at the time to special education or something. And they put me in touch with ... That's how I initially got hooked up with KenCrest. And I kept making different calls. And I guess in one of those calls I must've put a, put his name on a waiting list because they told me, "Oh, his name is on this waiting list, and there's a opening next month."

Gerry (20:32):
Wow. Wow.

Teri (20:34):
But I do, I, I hope that it's better now, that there's more informa- I really could have used a lot of more information and just being connected with, um, another parent-

Gerry (20:52):
Okay.

Teri (20:53):
... uh, because when you're told that your child ... And at the time, William really was not doing anything.

Gerry (21:01):
Okay.

Teri (21:01):
Uh, but when you're told that your child isn't going to be able to do anything-

Gerry (21:10):
Ugh.

Teri (21:11):
... and you have nowhere to go, you, you have no one to talk to ... I had no one to talk to. It wasn't ... It seems like there's more information now, which I think is, is great. But I didn't have that information. If there was anything that I could change, it'd be in just having more information. Maybe there would've been other projects or, or programs that we could have, you know, had him try out. Maybe he wouldn't have been in his 30s and we learn that he liked art.

Gerry (21:46):
Wow.

Teri (21:46):
We had no idea-

Gerry (21:47):
Yeah.

Teri (21:47):
... he co- We had no idea he could paint. None whatsoever.

(21:52):
He sews. He makes quilts.

Gerry (21:54):
Oh, wow!

Teri (21:54):
Um, we had no, we had no idea.

(22:00):
We knew that he liked to take pictures, we knew that he liked, um, videotaping, we knew all of this, but there's other things we didn't know, because we didn't have a, a way to explore it. And we didn't have anybody to talk to when he was younger, we just didn't.

Gerry (22:17):
And Teri, did it get ... How was like, the transition time? Do you feel like you had enough information when they started having the IEP transition pages added in? How was that?

Teri (22:33):
I will say, and this is, um, George Carothers' school, those teachers then were very, um, supportive, and they helped us through the, um, IEP, making sure that he had the ... They told me that he needed to register, you know, with the Office of Developmental Programs, about the waiver. They didn't have a whole lot of information, but at least they were able to point me in different directions, for what I needed to pursue.

Gerry (23:14):
Okay.

Teri (23:14):
Uh. So that's, you know, uh, that's what we did. All I needed was somebody to tell me to go in a certain direction, because I had no clue.

Gerry (23:25):
Mm-hmm.

Teri (23:25):
So I did find, I did find that, um, helpful. And it was, it's very fortunate that the year he graduated, there was a big waiting list campaign, um, initiative.

Gerry (23:39):
Okay.

Teri (23:39):
Very big.

Gerry (23:39):
All right.

Teri (23:39):
And he received ... He graduated in June, and he got the waiver in August.

Gerry (23:46):
Okay.

Teri (23:47):
And I know, and I know that that is not just ... Doesn't happen for everyone like that.

Gerry (23:53):
No, it does not. No, it doesn't.

Teri (23:56):
But this was a big, it was a big initiative. Um.

Gerry (24:00):
Yeah.

Teri (24:01):
And that's how he benefited. Yeah.

Gerry (24:05):
Okay. Okay. So then now you, you, how ... What brings you ... How did you fare in all these, these places where things worked, and where they didn't work? What kept you strong?

Teri (24:23):
Well, I-

Gerry (24:23):
And I don't believe that everybody is strong all the time. (laughs)

Teri (24:27):
I think one of the things is ... And maybe not ... Because I didn't have any information, I didn't know what wasn't, what was supposed to work, and what wasn't supposed to work. It was like my ... The only expectation I had was what I wanted for William. And I didn't have, necessarily ... I had people who didn't understand, because, you know, nobody understands what you're going through. Um. You know, the, the crying, and the worrying, and ... I mean, at one point, when William was younger, he had no sense of fear, and I had been out on the roof pulling him back in the house.

Gerry (25:13):
Mm-hmm.

Teri (25:14):
Because, I don't know, he wanted to go out there.

Gerry (25:17):
All right. (laughs)

Teri (25:20):
So it ... So, to say it was, it was easy, and I honestly think that it was my, basically my support system, between my husband, my daughter, and my mother.

Gerry (25:40):
Okay. Okay.

Teri (25:43):
Um. They really kept me focused on, you know, not giving up. And, and also, sometimes you need, sometimes you just need to cry, and you don't necessarily need somebody saying, "Oh, it's going to be all right." Sometimes you just need to have a little pity-party.

Gerry (26:04):
Uh-huh. Yes. Yes.

Teri (26:07):
And not feel guilty that you have it.

Gerry (26:09):
Yeah. Because sometimes you-

Teri (26:10):
You don't stay in it.

Gerry (26:10):
Yeah. Yeah.

Teri (26:13):
And I had people in my life who let me do that.

Gerry (26:17):
Okay.

Teri (26:17):
And I think that that was one of the, you know, one of the, um, strongest, you know, the strongest things, because you, you can't be strong all the time, and you do cry, and you do, you know ... But, you don't want to hear those nice, shiny words, and, you know ... When you want to be miserable, just let me be miserable, let me cry. I'll get over it, but I'm not going to get over it if you keep trying to talk me out of it, you know?

Gerry (26:48):
Yeah. Just be with me-

Teri (26:49):
Let me feel what I'm feeling.

Gerry (26:51):
Yes.

Teri (26:52):
Mm-hmm.

Gerry (26:53):
Because, you have ... Yeah, you do have to ... And that's such a gift. You know, when I find ... Or, I want to be the person who can sort of be with that person where they are right now, because it's like, you know, I can't, I can't fix it, but I'm here for you, that's such-

Teri (27:09):
Mm-hmm.

Gerry (27:09):
When I find that person, you know, I'm never going to let them go. Um. And I, you know, try, anyway, to, to try to be that person. You really want to fix it for everybody, but you can't.

Teri (27:24):
Mm-mm.

Gerry (27:25):
And so, sometimes, you know, allowing a friend, a family member, to just be sad, it's huge.

Teri (27:31):
Mm-hmm.

Gerry (27:31):
And it sounds like that was really meaningful to you.

Teri (27:34):
Mm-hmm.

Gerry (27:35):
Okay.

Teri (27:36):
And another, and another thing too, is the fact that, here I think that there's a certain stage where, you know, when your child is growing up, they do cute things, or they learn new things, and you're like, "Oh my God, I did ... Oh my God, wow," you know. But, you get over that, because they, they get older.

Gerry (28:01):
Mm-hmm.

Teri (28:02):
I never got over it with William. When he does something, "Oh my goodness, I can't ... Oh, all right. Oh, he flew on a plane by himself. Oh, he did ... Oh."

Gerry (28:15):
Mm-hmm.

Teri (28:16):
It's, I still have those moments of, wow.

Gerry (28:21):
That's kind of-

Teri (28:22):
And that keeps me-

Gerry (28:23):
Yeah.

Teri (28:23):
Yeah, that keeps me going. That, that never went away. When he ... It's like, wow. So therefore I can see the potential, and I can see the growth, and I can, I can see that, you know, he, he can do it. He'll be able to do it.

Gerry (28:43):
All right. And, and your ... And, and to have those little celebrations all across a person's life, um-

Teri (28:49):
Mm-hmm.

Gerry (28:50):
When we celebrate our children's victories, and, and, you know, cry with them in their moments, but, I, I get it that those moments of, "Wow, I had no idea you could do that," are-

Teri (29:03):
Mm-hmm.

Gerry (29:03):
To embrace that, and really, and really notice it, and really kind of realize that that's happening, that can sustain and keep you going.

Teri (29:13):
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Gerry (29:13):
What else? What else, other things keep you going, Teri? What else? What do you do for you?

Teri (29:19):
I, I ... Well, I think my faith keeps me going. Um. You know, just living in the moment, you know. As I, as I get older, I find that, one, I want to take the route of least aggravation.

Gerry (29:38):
(laughs)

Teri (29:38):
And I try to do that as often as possible. (laughs) Um. I try not to fluster myself. And I try and make things as easy and convenient as possible for me.

Gerry (29:50):
Okay.

Teri (29:51):
You know, because, um-

Gerry (29:55):
Yeah, take care of you.

Teri (29:57):
If I don't ... Yeah. If I don't feel like doing something, I don't do it.

Gerry (30:00):
Yep.

Teri (30:02):
If ... And that's not always ... I think, younger, you know, I might have been more of a people pleaser, and trying to live up to expectations of, "this is what I should do, this is what I shouldn't do."

Gerry (30:19):
Mm-hmm.

Teri (30:20):
Now, I just don't care. (laughs)

Gerry (30:21):
Okay. More freeing, right?

Teri (30:22):
I do what's best ... I do what's best for me and my family.

Gerry (30:30):
Okay. Okay. And it's freeing.

Teri (30:33):
Yeah.

Gerry (30:34):
Yeah.

Teri (30:34):
It, it most certainly is.

Gerry (30:36):
Yeah.

Teri (30:36):
It most certainly is.

Gerry (30:37):
And I, I think it can open you up to the fact that, you know, everybody doesn't have to love everything you do, and it's still okay. (laughs)

Teri (30:45):
Absolutely.

Gerry (30:46):
Yeah. In surprising ways.

Teri (30:47):
Absolutely.

Gerry (30:48):
In surprising ways.

Teri (30:48):
Mm-hmm.

Gerry (30:49):
Um. So you were, you were saying that you are, you are in, uh, involved heavily in SAU1, Self Advocates United as 1.

Teri (30:57):
Yes.

Gerry (30:58):
What, what do you do in that organization? And you ... Tell me more about that. Yeah. If you would.

Teri (31:07):
Well we do, uh, we have different ... We work on different grants. Particularly, now, one of the grants I'm assisting with is a housing myth busting for people with disabilities.

Gerry (31:25):
Mm-hmm.

Teri (31:25):
And we're in the early stages, we're developing a, um, a, a PowerPoint. Uh. We will be, um, going and educating people with disabilities. We're working with a, a fabulous, um, group. Can I say the group's name?

Gerry (31:49):
Sure.

Teri (31:49):
Huh?

Gerry (31:49):
Yeah.

Teri (31:51):
Families CAN!. They're a wonderful, wonderful organization, and we, we-

Gerry (31:56):
In CCAN.

Teri (31:57):
Yes.

Gerry (31:57):
Right.

Teri (31:57):
And we are working with them. So that's one thing that's exciting. You know, we've been talking to, you know, just people with disabilities on what, what is their idea of, of housing, and can they get it, and what, what do they think? And we're interviewing people who are living on their own, and, uh, what they're doing, and some of the myths that they're busting. So that's, that's very exciting.

(32:26):
I also, um, in my role, we have people who use devices to do the presentations.

Gerry (32:38):
Mm-hmm.

Teri (32:38):
So I make sure that the information is translated in such a form that they can put it in their device, and they can do the presentation. So we're, we are all about making sure that self-advocates, um, are seen, that they're

(33:00):
... heard, their opinions are valued. Um, their point of view is forefront in everything that, that SAU1 does, and that's why we, uh, do what we do. We're a statewide organization-

Gerry (33:23):
Okay.

Teri (33:23):
All over the, all over Pennsylvania. We do trainings all over Pennsylvania. Uh, we have wonderful self advocates who do the trainings. Uh, there are facilitators there, but it is the self advocate who does the training. We have virtual trainings.

Gerry (33:43):
Mm-hmm.

Teri (33:44):
Um, we're online, we're on Facebook, we're on Twitter, so, um, it's all about supporting the mission of, you know, self advo- advocacy and, um, individuals doing their best, and being their best, and speaking up.

Gerry (34:05):
Mmm. Yeah, I mean, I really will have to share this with, with my Nick. That's cool.

Teri (34:10):
Mm-hmm.

Gerry (34:11):
That's very cool. So, so now tell me, what's next for your self advocate? For yourself? For you, your William? For your family? What's next? What are you working on as, uh ... What are you guys working on?

Teri (34:24):
Well, a big thing is housing.

Gerry (34:29):
Okay.

Teri (34:29):
Uh, William, William wants to move. He's been wanting to move. Uh, he wants an apartment. Uh, he's been sending me emails. He's right down the hall. He will text message me just to remind me that he wants an apartment. So, we are really trying to figure that out. Um, how does he afford it? Um, it's a lot that goes into it-

Gerry (35:00):
Yes.

Teri (35:00):
You know, the different supports that he, he needs. I, I, and I do believe that he most certainly can do it. I think that the obstacle right now [inaudible 00:35:12] affordability.

Gerry (35:16):
Mmm. Okay.

Teri (35:16):
You know?

Gerry (35:16):
Okay.

Teri (35:16):
So that's kind of what we're, we're, we're focused on, on now, is trying to make his, he wants to move out-

Gerry (35:28):
Okay.

Teri (35:28):
And we want, and we want it to happen for him.

Gerry (35:30):
Want it to happen. Okay.

Teri (35:31):
And we want it to happen, we want it to happen for him before it becomes an emergency situation.

Gerry (35:38):
Sure. Mmm.

Teri (35:41):
That's what we want. We want him to be settled, because like I said, um, in all likelihood, your child outlives you.

Gerry (35:52):
Mm-hmm.

Teri (35:54):
And I don't want, I just want him to be settled when, you know, the next stage in both our lives comes.

Gerry (36:02):
I hear you. I hear you. We're, that's what we are working on as well, you know, and I think that so many families are, because we all realize that the natural order of things is that, you know, the folks go first-

Teri (36:14):
Mm-hmm.

Gerry (36:15):
And so, you know, we want to have our, our loved ones in a good place, and, and that's a lot of work. That's a lot of work-

Teri (36:25):
Mm-hmm.

Gerry (36:25):
But you're on it, and it feels like William has, you've always kind of followed William, and as he's sharing that with you, you're, you know, kind of working on it with him, and so I feel like-

Teri (36:40):
Mm-hmm.

Gerry (36:40):
It's going to take time, but, but it's going to happen. I feel like it's going to happen, frankly (laughs).

Teri (36:45):
I, I, I believe so, right? And, uh, you know, people look, to look at the William now as opposed to when he was younger, I, I never saw it.

Gerry (36:58):
Mmm.

Teri (36:59):
I didn't know what he ... I, I, I didn't know what his future looked like, but I didn't know. I didn't see it. I had no, I had no clue of the young man that he is now. I just didn't, I just didn't see it.

Gerry (37:21):
But you sound surprised.

Teri (37:24):
You know, I, you know, because mom always wants to, you know, protect and-

Gerry (37:30):
Uh-huh.

Teri (37:32):
Make sure, and, you know, uh, him not get hurt or, or whatever, so, you know, he has to take chances. Our daughter, you know, has taken chances and she lives her life, and that's what he needs to do too.

Gerry (37:47):
Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely, because that's like, that dignity of risk, you know, in saying, "You know what, you have to try, and if, if you fail, certainly I know I've failed, and I've failed, in my opinion, on some stuff with my children, both of them, um, that's, that's life."

Teri (38:04):
Mm-hmm.

Gerry (38:05):
You know, an- and-

Teri (38:05):
Exactly.

Gerry (38:07):
Yeah. And so, we have, and maybe we have to be kind to ourselves and say, you know what, we may go down that road a bit and then turn back-

Teri (38:14):
Mm-hmm.

Gerry (38:15):
And you learn something from it and you keep going, but that's the, that is the whole thing. You have to give people the ability to give it a shot, and it's scary (laughs).

Teri (38:29):
Lord knows, Lord knows I've made some mistakes being young and growing up, so why can't he?

Gerry (38:37):
Why can't he? Okay. Teri, is there anything else that you'd like to share, um, that I haven't asked you about?

Teri (38:44):
No, I think we, I think we had a good conversation, and I-

Gerry (38:48):
Mm-hmm.

Teri (38:50):
I think I've told you more than I've told a lot of people.

Gerry (38:53):
Aww! Well, you've told us and the whole audience. It's been wonderful to talk to you, and I'm really glad that you, uh, made time to talk with me today and to, to share your story and William's, and to give some thoughts and, and wisdom for the journey, and just to know that like there's all these different ways that we do this, you know, but we're, our outcomes, we hope, are, are the same, that we want our, our loved ones to have a vision of their lives and, and that we can help them, and then we're hoping that it, it keeps going, you know? So-

Teri (39:26):
Absolutely.

Gerry (39:27):
Thank you so much.

Teri (39:28):
Thank you.

Gerry (39:30):
Yeah. And-

Teri (39:30):
Thank you for having me.

Gerry (39:32):
Uh, it's been my, a joy. And so, um, I guess we will end it here, and I'm going to thank you, my listeners, for spending time with us today on, and Teri Brewer on today's parr- Our Parallel Paths. And so, I hope that you will like and follow our pa- podcast. Share it with your family and friends, and, and I really hope that you return to listen and learn from more stories of people like you and me and our loved one with a disability on our parallel paths. You're not alone. We're all in this together in our ways and I hope that this and all our episodes help you to feel that you're not alone. I'll see you next time.